Brittany Coates

A Letter to the Other Woman

So we’ve established that I’ve been cheated on. There is, however, one thing that I’ve really held back from talking about. That thing is the Other Woman.

To the other woman: I send my condolences

I’ll be honest, I’m not really a fan of hers. I don’t think anybody really would be. And I’ll be honest, I don’t really have problems with the girls dating any of my other exes, except this one. Now, there’s a difference between a girl who doesn’t know a boy has a girlfriend, and a girl who knows damn well he has a girlfriend. You can probably guess which was the case in my situation….

Ding Ding Ding!!! Correct, she knew all about me.

***Disclaimer that I’ve never spoken to her personally so she has never confirmed this, however, I have good reason to believe she knew about me. Also, as with my last post, please do not look for anyone I talk about here or harass them in any way. This is a letter of reflection for me.

Now, before anyone comes at me saying that she may not have known about me, let me tell you why I would assume that she did. She liked photos of him and I, she had mutual friends of mine who knew him and I for our entire relationship, she liked tweets about me from him when we were in a fight, etc. So, my assumption is that she knew about me, she just didn’t care.

Don’t. Be. That. Girl.

Don’t be the girl:

who rationalizes for ANY REASON that it’s OK to help break another woman’s heart
who assumes everything a guy says about his girlfriend when she’s not around is true
who convinces yourself that there’s something really wrong with the girl that he is still choosing to stay with while cheating (is she really that bad if he’s still around?)
who assumes that he hasn’t done/won’t do the same thing to you
who thinks that you’ll be “different” or “better” than his current girlfriend (that sounds like you need some validation, and probably therapy)
who helped ruin a girl’s ability to love and be loved in a healthy way

I personally still deal with the emotional aftermath of that event. Those who have dated me since have also had to deal with the aftermath. WE AS WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE OUT HERE HELPING MEN TO HURT OTHER WOMEN. WE AS WOMEN SHOULD TREAT EACH OTHER WITH THE SAME RESPECT WE WOULD WANT FROM EACH OTHER WHEN WE’RE NOT AROUND. We can shit on guys who cheat all we want, but I’m going to shit harder on the girls who cheat with a guy that they know has a girlfriend. In my humble opinion, that’s probably the lowest thing you could do to another female. You don’t have to know a girl personally to treat her with respect. We, as women, have to stop making it “us” vs. “them.” Cheer each other on. Help each other grow. Be genuinely happy for other women, even if you want what they have. I would love to see a World where women are unified, because it’s going to be a team effort to protect our hearts these days.

Let’s be a Team!

To Men:

Stop psychologically damaging women. Women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men. Read that again. If you are not in an emotionally mature enough place to be in a relationship, then don’t choose to be in one. It’s ironic how the same men who talk about how protective they’ll be of their daughters can turn around and be the same men who go out and hurt another man’s daughter.

Final Thoughts:

Getting Cheated on After 3 Years and What it Taught me

You may be asking yourself, “Brittany, why are you writing about this now?” And the answer to that is simple: I still see so many girls struggling to learn the things that, I too, learned the hard way. Call me hopeful, but maybe this can help just one girl out there. This may be something that you find yourself saying could never happen to you. I personally had never believed that this would happen to myself either, however, it can really happen to any girl. I never believed that the boy I dated for 3 years would cheat on me, but he did. My mom never believed that my father would cheat on her after being married with 2 children, but guess what? He did. And there’s something important to remember before reading this, and personally, this has taken me YEARS to come to grasps with. And that, my lady friends, is a quote:

“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing. That’s what they need.” ~ Najwa Zebian

Going into college, I was dating a boy from home

This started with my best friend from high school ending up at the same college as me. At that time, I was dating a boy from back home who was still in high school (as he was a year younger). We kept dating throughout my Freshman year, and a year later, he ends up at a neighboring college for my Sophomore year. This is where shit hit the fan with us. Suddenly, he was sneaky, going out and lying about it, hiding things and people from me, lying about anything you could think of, and just all the usual shit us women put ourselves through. At the time, I knew that I shouldn’t be with him anymore, but my heart was putting in more work than my brain. Every time that I would try to leave, he would say something that would magically make me stay. After some VERY questionable findings/incidents (with me always finding a way to rationalize them), he actually ended up breaking up with me in a text message. This was the day before our three year anniversary. On that day, he sent me a message telling me that we were breaking up (while I was in an exam for nursing school, mind you) and ended the message, literally, with “goodbye.” AS IF I WOULD NEVER TALK TO HIM OR HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. And this, ladies and gentlemen, was during a rather “good” week for us. So, naturally, I was shocked as all hell. On top of this, I was walking out of a microbiology exam and had 2 more exams LATER THAT SAME DAY. He did in fact know about that (btw).

So what did I do?

I did the best thing that I could do for MYSELF in this situation. I text him asking him to please at the very least explain to me WHY NOW? WHY TODAY? What was the thing that made him wake up today of all days and decide to end things? On the day before our three year anniversary? He wouldn’t tell me why. And he didn’t have to. I knew. He had cheated on me. You don’t start dating a girl a few days after we break up if she wasn’t around before the breakup, right? I had found sketchy texts when I asked to see his phone, he would hide his phone, he would leave it face down, he would lie about where he was and who was there, girls would come up out of nowhere, etc. And I had rationalized all of that away because my heart didn’t want to know what was so obviously there. So I did what any nursing student would do: I decided that I was not allowed to break down until I had absolutely KICKED THE ASS OF THESE EXAMS first. And after that, I gave him all of his things back, removed any traces of him from my apartment, and went on living my life telling absolutely no one but my best friends about what I had been through. Not one person from home ever knew because I didn’t feel right telling people. But why not? I was a victim? And that, ladies, is a mindset we need to get over RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

**Btw, he did confirm after about 2 years that he did in fact cheat on me with that girl and that he broke up with me so hastily because he knew that I would never be able to get past that and he was too ashamed to tell me.

He also told me that he “didn’t know how to be single” and he “waited until he found someone to move onto before leaving me” when I asked him why he didn’t just leave me in a mature way

I DESERVED A BETTER GOODBYE

***Disclaimer that anything that I write is because I feel that my story will help people in similar situations and is not meant to be a problem for people involved so please DO NOT try to find these people in my life or harass them. Everyone makes mistakes and anyone I talk about has their own issues, memories, and feelings about these subjects.

So What did I Learn From this?

The biggest takeaway from this experience for me has been this: even the “bad” relationships were good. Shit can break your heart and open your eyes at the same time. While there’s never going to be an excuse for what he did, I would never have learned what I know now. Was he the one for me? Absolutely not. Did he break my heart in ways I could never put into words here? Absolutely. Do I still have trust issues? Crippling. But, with all of that being said, I also gained something that has only grown over time. I gained my SELF-WORTH. With every “bad” relationship I’ve had, I’ve learned to handle each one better. I have learned what I deserve from people. I have learned what I will and won’t settle for. I have learned TO STOP RATIONALIZING INSANITY for boys. I’ve also learned to appreciate, even more, the good guys.

Beginner’s Guide to Tarot

Have you ever wondered, even just a little, about the world of Tarot cards and Tarot readings? Well even if you haven’t, it’s spooky season, so let’s get a little in the spirit. So does this even work? Well, I personally believe if you give the right vibrations that the cards will truly speak to you. What do I mean by this? I think that in order for you to truly give this a try, you have to really commit to the belief that whatever higher energy you believe in will guide you when you allow for it. I personally grew up around adults who subscribed to this belief, and even had Tarot readings done for myself.

Before starting, let’s get one thing clear: there is no right or wrong way to use your Tarot cards! It’s all about following your intuition and doing what feels right to you.

A good place to start is with the basics:

There are 78 cards in a Tarot deck
The deck is made up of two types of cards: the major arcana and the minor arcana
The minor arcana are depicted as suits with numbers (1-14)
The court cards are 11-14 of each suit, which are known as the Page, Knight, Queen, and King
The 4 suits of the minor arcana are: cups, swords, wands, and pentacles
Each suit represents a kind of overall theme
There are 22 major arcana cards
The major arcana cards are represented by “characters” such as the fool, the empress, the tower, etc.

Let’s start with the suits (pictured below). Each suit ranges from an ace (1) to 10, and then proceeds up from 10 with the Page (11), Knight (12), Queen (13), and King (14). So, in total, each suit will have 14 cards.

If you’re still with me up to this point, you’re already doing well!

Minor Arcana

Cups

The cups in the Tarot represent things relating to emotion. These cards will have a lot to do with relationships, friendships, and just overall matters of the heart.

Swords

The swords in the Tarot represent things relating to action. These cards will have a lot to do with power, change, and overall taking action in various aspects of your life.

Wands

The wands in the Tarot represent things relating to our creativity. These cards will have a lot to do with passions, goals, and your dreams in life. A lot of the wands has to do with things not yet in your external world.

Pentacles

The pentacles in the Tarot represent things relating to worldly materials. These cards will have a lot to do with things like careers, possessions, money, and domestic situations.

Keep in mind that each card in a suit holds it’s own meaning

Here’s the link to my personal favorite website to see the meanings of all 78 cards:

https://www.trustedtarot.com/card-meanings/

Major Arcana

The major arcana cards are represented as “characters,” if you will. These are considered to be the more powerful cards in a reading. These cards kind of represent different stages of our psyche. These range from “The Fool” (0) and end with “The World” (22)

You will notice that in the major arcana cards there are no images of the suits. The major arcana are the full journey and past the minor arcana cards (suits). This is why they are considered to be the more important/powerful cards to focus on in a reading. When a major arcana card shows up, make sure to really take note of it.

A couple beginner Tarot reading spreads

Card of the Day

The simplest is called a “Card of the Day” spread. Essentially, you shuffle the cards keeping in mind what your focus for the day will/should be. You then pull one card and that card is to be used as a guide throughout your day.

Embrace, Erase, Face

This one is also pretty self-explanatory. For this spread, you shuffle the cards keeping in mind the idea that you want to choose something to Embrace (take into your life), Erase (something to be removed from your life), and Face (something you need to take action on in your life. You then pull three cards in this order. This is useful when you feel a bit “stuck” in life or feel you need some extra guidance.

Thank you if you’ve made it this far! Hopefully you found this interesting, but at the very least, hopefully you learned something new!

Happy Spooky Season ~ Brittany

Best Fall Backgrounds for Your Phone

I have scoured Pinterest to compile a list of the best Fall themed backgrounds for your phone. Here are the few that made the cut:

1.) The one personally on my phone as we speak

2.) A little darker aesthetic….

3.) If you’re feeling a little witchy

4.) A very classic option

5.) A good daily reminder

Have a Happy Fall Y’all!

~ Britt

Best Bath and Body Works Scents to Pick up During This 20% off Sale

I’ll be the first basic bitch to stand up and admit that I love Bath and Body Works. And they’re currently having a sale for 20% off your entire order w/ code WARMSWEATER. So, with that being said, clearly we have an excuse to hit up Bath and Body Works. Now, who has the time to smell all 800(ish) scents and get a headache? No one. That’s where I come in! Lemme tell you the current best scents to pick up during this sale:

1.) Blueberry Maple Pancakes

2.) Coconut Macaroon

3.) Marshmallow Fireside

4.) Frosted Cranberry

5.) Leaves

This 20% off sale is running through 10/28 so make sure to pick up some goodies!

How I put Together a DIY Sexy Halloween Costume for under $40

So with it being the season of Halloween parties, I figured I would go ahead and show y’all my own Halloween costume for the year. I’ll be honest, I hate buying “real” costumes. They’re way too expensive, never fit quite right, come with half the accessories shown, and on top of that everyone else at a party has the same 6 costumes.

So what does this year’s costume look like?

I’m a bunny, duh! (but like a dark sexy bunny because Halloween?)

So where did I get the pieces for this costume? I got every piece here from Fashion Nova, and on top of that, I got it all with a discount! I found the ears/veil in the Halloween section. When I saw that, I knew it had to be the feature of my outfit.

From there, I realized I would need some actual clothing to wear. I decided to go with a sexy little black dress from their site as well. It covers everything important, but also has a sexy appeal to it.

The final step for me? I decided the costume was missing something. For me, I decided that thigh high stockings would be the perfect addition to pull this look together. In my dream world I’m wearing my black heels, but my mirror didn’t really want to cooperate with me being a few inches taller.

Let’s do a total price check

Bunny ears/veil: $7.99
Dress: $24.99
Thigh Highs: $4.99

Total Price for my Halloween Look: $37.97

Moral of the story? You don’t have to spend $80-100 on a Halloween costume that everyone else can have too!

Scientology: Religion or Cult?

Before I begin this, I should start by saying that I’m not looking to shame anyone who believes in Scientology. I simply wanted to write about something that fascinates me. I am a bit of what some might call a “conspiracy theorist.” Now, I’m not saying I believe that Obama is a reptile or anything, but there are some theories that I think are worth giving an open mind to. Scientology being a cult is one of those theories. So what would make me think this?

Well just take a look at their own promotional video…..

What are some of the Scientology basics/beliefs?

***I will be including a video below to include much more detail

Scientology was created by a man named L.Ron Hubbard who served in the U.S. Navy
Scientology is based on the idea that there was once an alien named Xenu who was the Director of the “Galactic Confederacy.”
Xenu then dropped humans into volcanos, thus causing their spirits (“Thetans”) to have to attach to human bodies and thus causing them trauma
These bodies are temporary vessels for your “Thetan” aka spirit, which is immortal btw
Your family is just one of millions of families that you’ll have over lifetimes of trying to become “clear” (so family/children/marriage is not considered very important because the church is your family)
The basic belief of Scientology is that we all have past traumas due to our “Thetans” which need to be “cleared” from us
In order to “clear” these traumas, one must undergo a process called “auditing”
“The Bridge to Total Freedom” (pictured below) is all of the courses/auditing you must do to be “cleared” (this is what costs into hundreds of thousands of dollars)
Once someone is “cleared,” they, according to Scientology, should be able to even move things and shape matter with their minds
These practices fall under Hubbard’s invention of “Dianetics,” which he claimed could eventually cure a spirit of everything if a member works hard enough
Auditing is when a trained staff member is somewhat interrogating the church member while the church member is hooked up to a machine of Hubbard’s creation (called the E-meter)
Hubbard claims the E-meter can even CURE MENTAL ILLNESS
Auditing sessions can last for hours and can get incredibly intense for the “church” member
The “Sea Org” is basically the higher level members of the church who greatly resemble the Navy and sign a BILLION YEAR contract (as early as age 15)

But this is the basic gist of what Scientologists believe

And if you’re still somewhat with me, I applaud you! This is really confusing and abstract shit.

All of the levels you must pass through to be “cleared”

Important Facts to Know

Hubbard (the guy who created this religion) lied EXTENSIVELY about his Naval career saying that he sustained numerous injuries that he did not as well as saying he received medals that he never did
L.Ron Hubbard actually had charges brought against him by the New Jersey Board of Medical Examiners in 1951 as he was found practicing medicine without a license
Hubbard also dabbled in writing….science-fiction writing to be specific
When Hubbard died of a stroke, the “church” members were told that he had decided to leave this body behind because he would keep writing even without it, which is when David Miscavige takes over
The Church of Scientology ended up legally having to publish that the e-meteter “on it’s own” will not actually do anything after several lawsuits
The new head of the church (David Miscavige) has been accused of NUMEROUS accounts of physical assault against church members INCLUDING his very high up officials of the church
They FORCED WOMEN TO HAVE ABORTIONS or be exiled from the church and their families (as they believe that a woman who works for the church would not be able to do her job if she has a child)
The AVERAGE “church” member will spend a quarter of a million dollars on Scientology (by purchasing auditing, books, classes, etc.)
Due to Scientology having recognition as a religion, they are not able to be punished or forced to change any of their practices or behaviors as they are protected under the First Amendment

SO THERE’S A LOT OF REASONS TO BELIEVE IT’S A CULT (but that’s just my opinion…)

Let’s just list a few of those reasons quickly:

Members are punished for leaving (some members have literally been run off of the road when trying to “escape”)
Many of the high ranking members have actually left the “church” and spoken out about all of the things they witnessed, were put through, and were a part of
Leah Remini was a lifelong Scientologist and celebrity who has started her own series exposing the truth behind the “religion” (check it out on Hulu now! 10/10 recommend)
Asking the “wrong” questions about church practices or David Miscavige can get you severely punished
They have made billions of $$$
To move up the ranks and join the Sea Org, you have to sign a BILLION YEAR CONTRACT (you read that correctly, yes a billion years)
If you decide to leave the “church,” none of your friends or family are ever allowed to have contact with you again
If you leave the “church” and speak poorly of it they will try to stop you BY ANY MEANS DEEMED NECESSARY
Anyone who speaks poorly of the “church” or it’s practices is considered to be an enemy
Any enemy of the “church” is also subject to stalking, harassment, physical violence, threats, personal investigation, etc.
Members live in dorm housing and work to live there MAKING NO MONEY
Members living in the required dorms aren’t allowed access to the internet or any media sources
Members of the church spend THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on REQUIRED items

Oh, and the head of the church is now David Miscavige. Fun fact about David for you: his own parents had to “escape” from where he was keeping them with guards on them each at all times and cameras on their home in his compound. His own father accidentally learned about how Scientology really was in the outside world when Miscavige gave his father a kindle and didn’t realize it had internet capability. His parents had to, as they called it, “escape” from the compound by tricking the guards. David’s wife Shelly hasn’t been seen or heard from in about 14 years and they won’t give any proof of her well being. And if that isn’t enough for you? He also physically assaults members of his “church.”

So what’s the lesson here? You can make billions in a few easy steps: start a “religion,” convince enough people to believe it, and walk the ethical line enough that the IRS will grant you tax exemption. I kid, of course, but that does appear to be what happened here.

There is SO much more to be said on this subject as I am only scratching the surface here, but I feel this topic really needs to be talked about. Most people have no idea what Scientology even is, however, it is ruining lives everyday. Start a conversation and support the cause any way that you can!!!

***Disclaimer that this is all based on testimonials of ex-church members and other experts on the subject

So where can you learn more information about Scientology and some of the victims?

I would highly suggest this video!

Also make sure to check out the series “Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath” for a really fantastic look at how Scientology has impacted those in the organization as well as their loved ones! (available to stream on Hulu)

The 5 Best Face Masks you can buy at Ulta

Let’s be real, every girl is at least a little bit of a slut for a good face mask. Dry skin? Face mask for that. Acne prone? There’s a face mask for that. Girls night in? Better do a face mask. The issue with having so many face masks? The $$$. That’s where I come in. I’m going to be telling you guys the 5 best face masks you can buy at Ulta! I’ve tried atleast 30 different face masks and I’ve narrowed my list down to just 5! So let’s see what made the list….

1.) Skinfood Egg White Pore Mask

This face mask is one of the cheapest ones with the most product! If you’re looking for a good bang for your buck, this is the mask for you. This is a traditional clay mask which is also made with egg whites. While it doesn’t sound (or smell) special, let me tell you, it is. This mask completely minimizes my pores! I am someone who is very insecure about how large the pores on my cheeks are and have tried numerous products to try to make my skin look more “blurred.” This mask is my holy grail answer! You get 4.4 ounces for only $10.50, and you get to say you use “trendy foreign skincare.”

2.) Philosophy Purity Made Simple Pore Extractor Exfoliating Clay Mask

If there’s one face mask that I could recommend to you, it would be this baby. This is an exfoliating face mask that works as you wash it off. I find myself using this mask before any kind of event, as well as when my skin starts to break out a bit. This makes my face feel absolutely baby soft! For 2.5 ounces this will set you back $35, however, a little really goes a long way!

3.) I Dew Care Sugar Kitten Hydrating Holographic Peel-Off Mask

The Sugar Kitten peel-off mask is such a fun option while also being great for my skin! This mask is a fun holographic light mint color with sparkles in it. Although it’s beautiful, don’t let that fool you. This mask is actually super hydrating for my skin! I never believed that a peel-off mask could truly be hydrating, but this mask changed my mind. I have very dry skin to begin with, so if this works for me, I feel inclined to recommend it. This mask is 2.8 ounces and will set you back $23.

4.) TONYMOLY Master Lab Vitamin C Brightening Mask

What isn’t there to say about this? Ok, so at first, I wasn’t going to include any sheet masks. No hate on them, but who wants to pay for a one time use? There are VERY few sheet masks that I would say are truly worth their price tag, and this is one of them. You can truly see the difference in your skin immediately after using it. This leaves my face GLOWING as well as feeling so hydrated. Forget using a face primer, use this mask before special events instead! I use this mask before I do my makeup for special occasions and my makeup looks like a glowing goddess in pictures! This mask is $4 and is a one time use.

5.) Boscia Mermaid Fire and Ice Cryosea Peel-off Mask

Boscia went OFF with this face mask! This is another option that is both fun and effective. This face mask is a holographic silver color that dries to a peel-off mask. This mask lives up to it’s name due to it having an icy/tingly feeling on the skin. Some people may not love it, however, I personally think it feels heavenly. This mask really firms my skin and makes it feel tighter overall. If you really want to try something out that’s a little different and new, consider giving this one a try. You get 2.8 ounces for $39 in this package.

Hopefully you guys like these products too and be sure to comment below any face masks you think I should give a review!

The BEST Nursing School Advice you Should hear

***Full nursing school experience video linked at the bottom

Let’s be frank, nursing school it a B I T C H. We all tell our friends in other majors about how sorry we are for them when they are struggling with classwork, but really we are thinking, “if only they knew.” So what’s my advice as someone who’s been there and done that? Well….

Don’t sleep on your first semester (This one is so important!)

It is SO beyond tempting during the first semester to just go out all the time with new friends and to join every new club you see. It’s understandable, I mean, you’re finally without parents and finding your own way in the world! The mistake I watched too many people make is not finding the right balance. As much as it sucks, sometimes the cute boy will ask you out the weekend you need to study for the biggest exam of your class. Now, no one is saying that you can’t meet for a quick lunch because you do have to eat after all, but try to leave it there and ACTUALLY go back to studying.

So what are the consequences if you don’t balance your first semester you ask? YOU WILL BE FIGHTING TO BRING YOUR CUMULATIVE GPA UP FOR THE REST OF YOUR COLLEGE CAREER! Cumulative GPA matters for nurses when getting hired because, after all, we all had to pass the NCLEX.

Find a Group of Non-Nursing Friends

For me personally that came in the form of joining a sorority my second semester on campus. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but find a group of people who are similar to you but can take your mind far away from nursing when you need it! Nursing friends can be AMAZING and you should have them too, but your other major friends will be the ones who can keep you from thinking about that crazy professor you have for pharm because they won’t be thinking about it too.

Keep in Touch with your Family

My amazing mother on graduation day obvi

I know this one sounds SO obvious, but hear me out. During nursing school, we tend to wind up feeling isolated from people. Our schedules are so different from our other friends, we don’t sleep at normal hours, we spend our “class” days at the hospital, etc. As nurses and students, we tend to just keep chugging along, always with our eyes on that next exam we need to study for. But listen, take a 10 minute break and just CALL YOUR MOM OR DAD. They love you, and believe it or not, they want to hear about all of these things you’re going through! Not only does it make them feel better, but they usually know how to make you feel better than anyone else. A 10 minute phone call with my mom on a stressful day could end up making all of the difference in my mental health.

If you don’t know how to do something, do not pretend that you do….please

I cannot STRESS THIS ENOUGH. As a nursing student, you are going to be learning about a lot of really high thinking concepts. Not only will you have to learn about these concepts in theory, but they will expect you to practice these concepts on REAL HUMAN PATIENTS. So, with that being said, if a professor asks you if you know how to do something (suction a trach, change bed sheets with a patient in the bed, etc.) and you don’t know how to do it, just tell them that. Professors will be happy to show you how to do something a first time because these things are not just everyday things that we do on the regular. Now, if you tell a professor you know how to do something, they WILL expect for you to demonstrate it for them. Not only could you endanger the patient by trying, but you will also look like a lying idiot to the person who assigns you a grade. Moral of the story? JUST ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT. We’re students, not heros.

Final Tip?

Just remember that nursing school, like all other things in life, is temporary. You will eventually graduate (even when you think you’re failing). You will eventually get those coveted letters after your name. You will be an RN, and that is something that no one can ever take from you! Now go kick some ass and study for that exam!