You may be asking yourself, “Brittany, why are you writing about this now?” And the answer to that is simple: I still see so many girls struggling to learn the things that, I too, learned the hard way. Call me hopeful, but maybe this can help just one girl out there. This may be something that you find yourself saying could never happen to you. I personally had never believed that this would happen to myself either, however, it can really happen to any girl. I never believed that the boy I dated for 3 years would cheat on me, but he did. My mom never believed that my father would cheat on her after being married with 2 children, but guess what? He did. And there’s something important to remember before reading this, and personally, this has taken me YEARS to come to grasps with. And that, my lady friends, is a quote:
“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing. That’s what they need.” ~ Najwa Zebian
Going into college, I was dating a boy from home
This started with my best friend from high school ending up at the same college as me. At that time, I was dating a boy from back home who was still in high school (as he was a year younger). We kept dating throughout my Freshman year, and a year later, he ends up at a neighboring college for my Sophomore year. This is where shit hit the fan with us. Suddenly, he was sneaky, going out and lying about it, hiding things and people from me, lying about anything you could think of, and just all the usual shit us women put ourselves through. At the time, I knew that I shouldn’t be with him anymore, but my heart was putting in more work than my brain. Every time that I would try to leave, he would say something that would magically make me stay. After some VERY questionable findings/incidents (with me always finding a way to rationalize them), he actually ended up breaking up with me in a text message. This was the day before our three year anniversary. On that day, he sent me a message telling me that we were breaking up (while I was in an exam for nursing school, mind you) and ended the message, literally, with “goodbye.” AS IF I WOULD NEVER TALK TO HIM OR HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. And this, ladies and gentlemen, was during a rather “good” week for us. So, naturally, I was shocked as all hell. On top of this, I was walking out of a microbiology exam and had 2 more exams LATER THAT SAME DAY. He did in fact know about that (btw).
So what did I do?
I did the best thing that I could do for MYSELF in this situation. I text him asking him to please at the very least explain to me WHY NOW? WHY TODAY? What was the thing that made him wake up today of all days and decide to end things? On the day before our three year anniversary? He wouldn’t tell me why. And he didn’t have to. I knew. He had cheated on me. You don’t start dating a girl a few days after we break up if she wasn’t around before the breakup, right? I had found sketchy texts when I asked to see his phone, he would hide his phone, he would leave it face down, he would lie about where he was and who was there, girls would come up out of nowhere, etc. And I had rationalized all of that away because my heart didn’t want to know what was so obviously there. So I did what any nursing student would do: I decided that I was not allowed to break down until I had absolutely KICKED THE ASS OF THESE EXAMS first. And after that, I gave him all of his things back, removed any traces of him from my apartment, and went on living my life telling absolutely no one but my best friends about what I had been through. Not one person from home ever knew because I didn’t feel right telling people. But why not? I was a victim? And that, ladies, is a mindset we need to get over RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
**Btw, he did confirm after about 2 years that he did in fact cheat on me with that girl and that he broke up with me so hastily because he knew that I would never be able to get past that and he was too ashamed to tell me.
He also told me that he “didn’t know how to be single” and he “waited until he found someone to move onto before leaving me” when I asked him why he didn’t just leave me in a mature way
I DESERVED A BETTER GOODBYE
***Disclaimer that anything that I write is because I feel that my story will help people in similar situations and is not meant to be a problem for people involved so please DO NOT try to find these people in my life or harass them. Everyone makes mistakes and anyone I talk about has their own issues, memories, and feelings about these subjects.
So What did I Learn From this?
The biggest takeaway from this experience for me has been this: even the “bad” relationships were good. Shit can break your heart and open your eyes at the same time. While there’s never going to be an excuse for what he did, I would never have learned what I know now. Was he the one for me? Absolutely not. Did he break my heart in ways I could never put into words here? Absolutely. Do I still have trust issues? Crippling. But, with all of that being said, I also gained something that has only grown over time. I gained my SELF-WORTH. With every “bad” relationship I’ve had, I’ve learned to handle each one better. I have learned what I deserve from people. I have learned what I will and won’t settle for. I have learned TO STOP RATIONALIZING INSANITY for boys. I’ve also learned to appreciate, even more, the good guys.
Brittany Coates 